One of the cancellations this spring was our annual RCIA Retreat. It is a day of prayer and reflection filled with anticipation of the gifts of the Holy Spirit that await the Candidates and Catechumens at the Easter Vigil. Practical advice on how to live life as a new Catholic is also a focal point of the retreat but now that wisdom must be passed on virtually rather than personally. In conversation with one of our RCIA Candidates, a mother of two boys in elementary school, she presented me with these questions:
In all our learning and our faith journey this far, I am in search of guides on how to balance it all. What does it look like to thread our faith through each facet of our lives? What does it look like to parent catholic and to work as a catholic and to not allow ourselves to put other things in front of God? I guess we all will search for that balance for a long time.
There are so many mothers that I admire here at St. Margaret, so I reached out to a few of them with these questions so that our candidate could hear from someone other than myself. My intent was to just forward their email replies and be done. What came back were words of beauty and strength of character and ordinary lives threaded with the gift of faith and forgiveness and perseverance. My heart was moved, and I knew they needed to be shared. Thanks be to God each Mom agreed and as we approach Mother’s Day, we will share these with you.
This is part 2 of a 5 part series: Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
I have teenagers, so looking back I am so thankful that I have my faith and TRUST in Jesus and Mary to help me along in this next phase. I am not sure where you are in your faith journey, where your spouse is or where your kids are, but I really did not know my Catholic faith well until my oldest was older! For me, it was God’s love that saved me and it was my love (which is God’s love through me) that saved my children in their little troubles when they were little. Now they have bigger troubles and I am reminded that LOVE still conquers all. Trusting in Jesus is THE most important thing! Rooted in Him, with God at the center helps us take our eyes off ourselves and focuses on God’s love and promises. A little prayer I learned that puts in in perspective a prayer published by The Children of Mary. It is a prayer that Jesus said to one of the sisters, “You think only of loving me. I will think of everything else.”
I grew in my faith first, before my husband, so that was very hard for me…to suddenly have my eyes open to God’s love and saving grace, to the truth of the church and everything, but my husband was not there yet. There have been many struggles in that area, but he has come around and now my kids see my husband and I reading our bibles and praying (having coffee) every single morning.
I remember playing music, singing and praying when the kids were little and they say they do not remember any of it! Really? I do! But they know ROUTINES: going to mass each, and every Sunday even on vacations or when we had soccer tournaments. We have had fun seeing the Catholic faith all over the country! The kids will always remember saying prayers at mealtime even when we are out at a restaurant, thanking God for the beautiful gifts and all that we have.
When they were little they watched “Animated Stories from the Bible” which I see is now on Formed and they remember those stories! And now, the kids are enjoying reading independently from their bibles at night. They are learning that to know God, they need to read His word. John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” WOW! “The word WAS God!”
My two oldest teenagers went through a phase of asking who God is and really seeking to make sure He really existed! This was hard for me, but I had to let them go, and trust that they would get to know God and have their own special relationship with Him and that God would not abandon them. Teenagers need to pull away for a bit and find themselves in God and we need to let them. My prayer is that they see themselves as God sees them.
And I pray a LOT! Like all day! When I clean up after them or fold their laundry or cook for them or buy stuff for them, I am praying. When I need to talk to them about hard things, I pray first (and when I don’t it is always a flop). My oldest son (16) asked me recently if I prayed for him (because he felt it!!! :-). They know God has plans for them and are waiting to see what that is. My oldest son is open to God’s will, even if it is the priesthood. He is very good at “living in the world” and not judging others. God really does answer prayers. It was a rocky year to get to this place, though!
I think our children learn how to have a relationship with God, Jesus, and Mary through their relationships with us as parents. Our relationships with each of our children are very important. One little prayer that has stuck with one of my sons (now 12) is “I love you soooo much, I love you soooo much, times infinity, times infinity automatically go on forever! And may you be a blessing to others” as I tap my hand on his heart saying “bum, bum, bum” like a heartbeat. I hope he always remembers that. I want them all to know how much I love them! This son just told me that he is “not ever afraid” because he remembers God in heaven and Mary his mother and he prays. What joy this brought to my heart to hear this!
I have tried a variety of ways of teaching my children about the faith (videos from Formed or on YouTube) and maybe different things will stick for different children. I use the Laudate App for a lot: praying the rosary and chaplet and for confession. We go to confession as a family, my goal is once a month, but usually ends up being every couple of months. One time we went to confession and the children did their examination of conscience on the way there writing their sins down in the car and saying them out loud reminding each other of ones that they were forgetting. If we have a hard time remembering our sins, we can just ask our family members! Lately, during the quarantine, I have needed to say, “Forgive them for they know not what they do and forgive me too for being resentful and annoyed with them!” God will change my heart on the spot or sometimes I am tired and it takes a good night's rest. :-) But I can always have hope in a new day!
I have always felt like it was important to teach my kids how to talk to Jesus and so I use the ACTS prayer as a guide and have recently taught them that (Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, and Supplication). There is the Protestant prayer that begins with “Lord, I just…” and I like that too! Our Protestant brothers and sisters have a wonderful way of relating to Jesus and I see that as a gift.
I am also grateful for our Catholic prayers too because when I do not have the words to pray, I am able to use those. Saying the rosary is the "gospel on a string!” It has given me peace (each time I say it which is at least once a day now, but I have worked up to that) and it has solidified the gospel in my mind. My family has a hard time praying the rosary because I did not start it when they were young and my husband is a convert and has been slow to warm up to it! Just recently he watched me pray the rosary every morning on zoom, so I am hoping he saw the fruits of that! My kids have also watched me pray the rosary on zoom with different groups. It has been exciting bringing my prayer life openly into the home for my family to see during this quarantine. If encouraged, my family will sneak in decades here and there. For instance, on car trips especially on the way to school. And we offer up intentions for each Hail Mary. Other times I will enlist them to read the mysteries “because I am driving”.
I am very sneaky. Us moms need to be creative and plant seeds then TRUST that God will do the watering. You want your kids to love Jesus, Mary and their faith and not see it as something they must do to be good or get to heaven. Father James emphasized “relationship over rules.” Making sure they are LOVED by you the MOST important thing! If you are rooted in Him, and you are JOYFUL it will show and they will want what you have. My oldest son has asked me at times why I love Jesus so much and so then I get to tell him my story. My kids know that my favorite subject is Jesus and my faith.
Over Christmas, as a gift to Jesus, we consecrated ourselves to Jesus Through Mary (I have done this several times doing True Devotion to Mary and Michael Gaitly’s 33 Days to Morning Glory and have consecrated my family on my own, but this time it was their choice). The perfect book to help with this was Marian Consecration for Children, by Carrie Gress. Learning True Devotion, was eye-opening and teaches the truth about Marian “devotion”, not “worship” as a Catholic. It is awesome! Mary just wants us to be close to her son Jesus. It is always her goal. I picture her behind me, leading me, praying for me and my family leading us gently to Jesus. And with Jesus always coming towards us, how can we go wrong?
Pray for others! We have a prayer board and pray for others at dinner. I get excited when I tell them that our prayers were answered! One time we prayed for my brother-in-law just to “know God” (He was going through a divorce.) His wife had always said that he was an atheist and never went to mass with her. He was Methodist at the time, which was my husband’s previous faith. About a month later, my brother-in-law told me that he was becoming Catholic! Now he does bible studies, is a “fourth-degree Knight”, and is active in his parish.
During quarantine, it has been awesome bringing mass into the home, making it a holier place. I have some frankincense candles that my daughter loves to light all the time, especially for mass. And we like the songs that Andy sang and the songs that we sing at mass, so I listen to those in the car, on Alexa and sometimes show one from YouTube with lyrics on our TV before mass to set the mood. My younger two kids like these songs. Sometimes I will just sing them around the house and they start singing too! God puts these songs in my head to gives me His words, I think.
My oldest son is beginning to lead prayer like my husband and it is so cool to see! That is why it is so important for sons to see their dads praying too! I have three sons, and I am so thankful that my husband is growing in his faith now so my boys can see that.
It is also important especially now that my kids are in their tweens and teens that they see us fall, that we are not perfect. I think they delight in it, really. It shows that we all fall short, we are all sinners, but God gives us the grace to start over and we TRUST that he will still love us and always will! We need to teach them that giving our life to Christ is not just a one-time event, but an all-the-time event, remembering Him in everything we do! It says in the Bible to pray “unceasingly”. The rosary helps me to pray “unceasingly!”
Having praying sisters in the faith is invaluable! We pray for each other’s children. We confess to each other, we support each other and lead each other. We love each other no matter what. These days, with technology we can send each other amazing things to keep informed in the faith. So, although we are never alone because we have Jesus, surrounding yourself with saints in the making is very encouraging and helps to keep me on the straight path and keeps the faith fresh and up to date for me. There are days I need encouragement and other days I can give encouragement. It buoys me to be a better mom, wife, and faithful servant of God.
Lastly, doing good for each other and our neighbors is very important. We are like the dead sea if we are not giving. Or at least that is how I feel. So while they are still young, make sure to teach them how to take care of each other and their neighbors.
Everything falls into place once God is at the center of our lives and then it all makes sense! Keep it simple! It’s all about Jesus. My second son is pondering this now and I just know that he will find his way in life if he just gives it to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! So that is my constant prayer for my family.
Guest Post Written By: Jackie Schuler
Part 3 of the series will be posted May 1, 2020
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